The Day After

Post-op day one here.  My armpit is sore, my boobie is bright, electric blue from the tracer dye, it feels like someone tried to wrench my arm off, there’s what appears to be a blood-filled grenade hanging from my chest, and best of all…I’m peeing Easter-egg cerulean to match the boob.  The dye is excreted by the kidneys.

“Honey, did you forget to flush the Ty-D-Bol after you scrubbed the toilet?”

“No, dear, that’s just pee.”

The good news is that the tumor was removed with clear margins, and the other little blip they wanted to biopsy was nothing.  And now for the not-so-great news…there were malignant cells in the lymph nodes.

So it’s chemotherapy, followed by radiation.  I’m deliberately avoiding Google this time.  Right now, I want to just experience this on my own plane, not filtered through other women’s fears.

I asked God for clear lymph nodes and the answer was “no.”  As a mom, when the boys asked me for something I knew would not be best for them, my answer to them was “no.”  I choose to accept God’s best for my life, whatever that may be.

My prayer is to stay floating in my Godly bubble that’s filled with his love and peace.

“Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast, unmeasured, boundless, free
Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me.
Underneath me, all around me, is the current of Your love,
Leading onward, leading homeward to Your glorious rest above.”

Oh, the Deep Deep Love by Samual Trevor Francis, 1875


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